Has me thinking about old wounds and the friends I lost in the process. Which leads me to today's topic: compassion vs. sympathy.
Tricia (Open Heart Yoga) pointed out in class the other day that when we feel compassion we "feel with"; sympathy only allows us to "feel for".
The dangers of compassion: feeling too much. Sympathy is safer, a one way flow (you give what you can, even if it is just empty words).
An overactive imagination can fuel compassion into a conflagration of epic proportions. This is what allows me to write, but it is also what can unhinge me at times. Sympathy is so much safer. There are no walls in compassion. You become the other, in that you experience their emotions fully. The upside is that it isn't all pain and suffering--joy and celebration transfer too. A risk worth taking.
Decide to go with the flow--literally. Compassion means letting emotions out and in (see the holiday post). The next time a stranger (or someone you live with) does something completely maddening--put yourself in their shoes (sorry for the cliche) and respond from there. The old "do unto others" advice is easy when you allow yourself to become the other.
Example: my old neighbor put Andre's (my dog) poop on my stoop (funny rhyme). She boasted it loudly. My reaction: I was sorry to hear that she took pleasure in acting with malice. I asked her why she didn't talk to me first. Had I done something to suggest I was unreasonable? I told her I couldn't imagine being proud of such an act. I said I hoped she was willing to talk to me and resolve it. My reaction was heartfelt (I was stunned she would do something so mean--she seemed really nice). She apologized. After that, she went out of her way to say hello and be pleasant.
Maybe when people do recklessly mean things, they just need someone to calmly hold up a mirror and ask with compassion: is this really you?
It is appropriate I leave comment today as I am one of those OLD(how did we get to be 40-?)friends you unearthed.I am glad you did.Also I must compliment you on your writing.To start it is a pleasure to read words well choreographed,and better when truth is allowed.The scoop on poop incident is a common thread-la meme chose happened to me.Some variation of course,and the result also was similar.I adhere to the Lt.Columbo school when I offend the real loonies.They are just dead set on dumping their power vaccuum on the short gal .My kids have seen some funny stuff over the years.
ReplyDeleteI love thinking of the processing that goes on in people's heads sometimes...hmmmpoop...on mee wee bit of terra? why I will move it and carry it over,and put it here,no like this, no maybe without the bag,with a note,no anonymous,no
underlined and a tell off ya.."